Last Night, or, Why I Almost Punted My Childhood Pet

Background: My parents are in Virginia visiting family, leaving me in charge of the house and the dogs-- Penny, my 13 year old, nervous, paranoid, arthritic childhood pet and Koli, a 3 year old dog-puppy (read like "man-child"). I work at a before and after school program for K-5th graders which requires me to be up at 5:30 in the morning.

Scene:

10:30pm. I've just cleaned up after a friend left. Pretty late for me, but we had a good time and I knew I could power through the next day (which was all day daycare because the kids didn't have school-- 9 hours) with 6 1/2 hours of sleep and coffee in the morning. I took the dogs upstairs and gated them in with me in my bedroom because I think it will have a calming effect on me and hopefully the dogs will sleep as long as I do instead of getting up early to bark until they're let out.

11:30pm. In bed, done reading, lights off, instantly asleep.

4am. Penny wakes me by grunting, whining, and pawing at the side of the bed. I think she's just anxious about being in a different room so pull her onto the bed to sleep with me. At which point I realize she's shaking. Penny shakes when it thunderstorms, weird people show up, there's construction going on, or, you know, because a leaf blows near her. Then I hear a distant beep. Beeping, oh boy beeping is a big deal. Penny's hot, smelly, stress breath immediately blasts my face and her nose shoves my cheek.

4:10am. I grab the second floor fire alarm and bring it into bed, hoping a low battery is the cause of the sporadic beeping.

4:16am. A distant beep again summons Penny's quaking form to the head of the bed and pulls me into the cold to investigate.

4:19am. I find the first floor fire alarm and take it upstairs, cuddling it in bed, knowing surely this is the cause of the beeping.

4:25am. It's not. Penny practically rolls me out of bed with her urgent nosing, that and the potency of her panting.

4:28am. I find the carbon monoxide detector, which starts beeping every 30 seconds, happily notifying me that it needs new batteries. I haul it to the kitchen to give it new life, after which it chirps proudly. I hear a crash upstairs and a cascade of dog steps coming down the stairs and barreling to the safety of the downstairs. After staring at the detector to make sure that it was beeping to say thank you and not to say RUN! GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE NOW!, I walk to return the detector to its home and discover that Penny's pooped.

4:35am. I finish cleaning up the poop and turn to find that Koli's peed. At least the cleaning supplies are in hand.

4:40am. Finally, I crawl back into bed with Koli, leaving Penny downstairs hoping she'll calm down and sleep down there.

4:45am. Penny wanders into my room and starts to grunt and paw at my bed again. I resolve to ignore her in an attempt to make her sleep on the floor and leave me alone.

4:55am. Resolve gives way to my need for sleep, so I roll over to pick her up onto the bed. My sweatpant-covered hip hits air and is suddenly cold. Why? BECAUSE PENNY PEED ON MY BED.

5:05am. I've stripped my bed, layered my parents' bed with blankets and settled down to sleep for the next 25 minutes. Penny begins to paw at the bed and whine. I ignore her.

5:25am. Penny stops whining and settles down to sleep.

5:30am. My alarm goes off.

No amount of coffee can fix that.



Koli, atop my ridiculously comfy bed (usually it's not buried in clothes... ah, who am I kidding, it is).


Penny, my worried, in your face, stink breath puppy. This is basically what I saw when in bed most of the night last night.

PRESENTATIONS AND EXAMS BLAAARGH!

Right so I feel the need to post something. So I'm posting to tell you that I'm really friggin busy! On the bright side and in happier news: I won a prize at the post-graduate conference! (I'll refrain from telling you my adviser was one of the judges... wait a minute... oops) In any case, here's a pretty picture of my poster:

JUST KIDDING! Computer's not letting me. Well. Too bad for you; it's a sick poster.

Aaaaanyway, I'm working on formulating a post about Dawkin's statement about civil arresting the Pope. Haven't heard anything on it in months, so this post will be pretty old news, but hey. I'm doing this for my enjoyment, not to be current!

Hope everyone's well!

edit: look I figured it out!

oooooooo, aaaaaaaaaaaah

Race for Life

So in my recent endeavor to better-ify myself, I've agreed to run a 5K in Durham called Race for Life. It's a charity in the UK which raises money to invest in research and treatment for cancer. 4 reasons why I'm doing this:

1) I needs me some exercise!
2) Some absolutely lovely friends are doing it as well
3) Anything having to do with charity is a worthwhile endeavor
4) We all know someone who has been directly affected by cancer, and because of that, we all know how horrible it is and should work towards any goal which lowers the number of people affected by cancer.

My grandmother had breast cancer years ago. Actually, so long ago that either I didn't completely understand what was happening or my parents were so good at remaining calm that it didn't seem like a big deal. Looking back, though, they must have been really very worried. I do remember the first time I talked to my grandmother on the phone after she had gotten the all-clear. She had had lumps removed from her breasts and was given a special bra to sort of fill in the holes. She said to me, laughing, "Oh Collie, you should see the bra they gave me! It's the funniest thing I've ever seen!". Not much gets Grammie down, and after all that, she was able to laugh about the state of her bra. It's to honor Grammie that I'm going to run.

In any case, if you want to join me in the run, let me know, and if you'd like to sponsor me with whatever you can, I would really appreciate it. My donation website is: www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/colleenhale.

Even better, if you want to do something, you can find a local charity or event to participate in, or volunteer for. Helping others is the best possible way to spend time. Truly.

An Anthropological Look at the (Mis)Use of Scripture

Bored yesterday while visiting friends actually doing work in the library, I decided to thumb through the various anthorpological journals. I wound up reading an article by Matthew Engelke titled "Reading and Time: Two approaches to the Materiality of Scripture" published in Ethnos. In it, Engelke looks at two different Christian approaches to reading the Bible (and how it relates to their concept of time, but I'm not going to focus on that). He compares the practices of the Friday Masowe apostolic Christians in Zimbabwe to Saint Augustine's writings. As you would expect with a comparative essay, the two differ widely in their use of scripture, Augustine finding all meaning in the Bible, while the apostolic Christians in Zimbabwe actively discouraging the reading of the Bible. As completely different as these two beliefs are, both make perfect sense to me. And in the end, I'm left with the disappointing cop-out that for me, there is a middle ground that is best, and is also informed by both ends of the spectrum.

Saint Augustine wrote that Christians could come to know and understand God by reading the Bible. He believed that by reading the Bible one could become closer to God through Jesus and that reading it is an integral part of developing and maintaining faith. Notably, Augustine did not believe in reading the Bible literally, but saw it as having two layers of meaning, the second layer needing to be decoded by the reader. He believed Christians should be critically engaged with their religion, and one way of doing that was through reading the Bible. Reading scripture is not the end objective, however,like I said earlier, but to use scripture to build and shore-up a relationship with God and Jesus. Saint Augustine, you're a Christian I can get behind!

And now, for something completely different:

The Apostolic Christians in Zimbabwe believe that the Bible is only a material item which does not reveal immaterial truths. Their emphasis is placed on the Holy Spirit and its ability to directly convey the Word of God to believers. They think that true believers do not need the Bible because they live by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. This rejection of the Bible could be linked to the forceful imposition of literacy on Africa during colonialism. "The introduction of literacy set the groundwork, from the missionary point of view, for progress on a number of inextricably interconnected social, economic, and religious fronts", literacy then becoming a method not just to share religion, but to enforce new social and economic ideals. "They manipulated the message of the Bible to support their own agendas and ideals. As one church elder put it, 'we learned that we could not trust the whites or their book.'" The Bible therefore became the key symbol of Christianity, as well as colonial power.

This would leave anyone with a bad taste in their mouth about the Bible, and I know many people will argue that the misuse of the Bible by colonial powers does not affect its message or the fact that these Christians should use it as part of their faith. Mmm, agreed, but their reasons for discarding the Bible don't end there. Above all, they see the Bible as an unnecessary mediation between themselves and God-- a historical document that does not hold insights into their modern, daily life. They don't need the Bible because they hear God's message in a more intimate, direct way. "You must not read it for the sake of yourself." A material item like the Bible is too static to convey something as personal as the Word of God. The material items wrapped up with religion (alters, robes, crucifixes, books) distract from and are barriers to faith.

And now I get religious:

Everyone gets wrapped up in materiality from time to time. The pretty shiny objects that attract our attention distract from other, more important things, especially when it comes to faith. There is something to be said for removing all material distractions and focusing solely on God's word. And, we've all seen people get so wrapped up in the Bible that they forget the modern environment and circumstances. You can't find God in a book and you can't find God in this material world. But, you can temper your reading of scripture with real-world experience. God's written word certainly gives food for thought, directives on how to live and be happy, as well as comfort in times of trial, but all of that is useless if you don't pull your head out of the book and go seek God in the world.

So I'm not sure if that makes total sense, and I know a lot of you couldn't care less about religious spirituality, but I hope you found the dichotomy interesting, and if you are religious, have something to meditate on.

Lit break

Ok I know I talked about Hemingway in an earlier post, but I found this, and it just illustrates my point about Hemingway's style capturing the progression of human thought. From The Sun Also Rises:

"At the end of the street I saw the cathedral and walked up toward it. The first time I ever saw it I thought the facade was ugly but I liked it now. I went inside. It was dim and dark and the pillars went high up, and there were people praying, and it smelt of incense, and there were some wonderful big windows. I knelt and started to pray and prayed for everybody I thought of, Brett and Mike and Bill and Robert Cohn and myself, and all the bull-fighters, separately for the ones I liked, and lumping all the rest, then I prayed for myself again, and while I was praying for myself I found I was getting sleepy, so I prayed that the bull-fights would be good, and that it would be a fine fiesta, and that we would get some fishing. I wondered if there was anything else I might pray for, and I thought I would like to have some money, so I prayed that I would make a lot of money, and then I started to think how I would make it, and thinking of making money reminded me of the count, and I started wondering about where he was, and regretting I hadn't seen him since that night in Montmartre, and about something funny Brett told me about him, and as all the time I was kneeling with my forehead on the wood in front of me, and was thinking of myself as praying, I was a little ashamed and regretted that I was such a rotten Catholic, but realized there was nothing I could do about it, at least for a while, and maybe never, but that anyway it was a grand religion, and I only wished I felt religious and maybe I would the next time; and then I was out in the hot sun on the steps of the cathedral, and the forefingers and the thumb of my right hand were still damp, and then I felt them dry in the sun. The sunlight was hot and hard, and I crossed over beside some buildings, and walked back along side-streets to the hotel."

I can't count the number of times my mind's wandered a similar route while praying.

In other, but related, news: I've decided I'm rewarding myself for completing this term by buying myself a couple Neil Gaimon novels. Unfortunately, I find myself daydreaming about which one I'll buy as opposed to actually working. I suppose better to wander off to the world of literature than something less savory...
Ooo, anyone have any suggestions on which Neil Gaimon novel would be best to buy?

Let these two weeks fly by so that I may escape from the world of science to the world of science fiction fantasy! At least for a tiny respite.

Women rule and men, well just aren't as cool

I'm writing a paper on altruistic behavior in humans. Here's a bit of an abstract from my favorite article:

"We examined people's charity contributions while in the presence of an observer of the same sex, opposite sex, or no observer... We hypothesized that men would be more generous in the presence of a potential mate... Our results show that men contribute more to charity when observed by a member of the opposite sex than by a member of the same sex or no observer. Conversely, female charity donations did not significantly vary across the three observer conditions. Findings support the notion that men's generosity might have evolved as a mating signal."

The article goes on to talk about men tipping more especially when on a date, donating to pan-handlers more often when the beggar was female or if they were walking with a female, and other such statistics. Whereas females donate equally across all circumstances. My male readers may try to argue that while women donate equally, they probably donate less and therefore men are more generous. To you I say, check out this graph from the study:



The study tells us that the two groups contributed the same amount of money overall ($119). The point here, of course, is that women donate indiscriminately while men donate more when observed by the opposite sex. This was a study done in a lab, so whether in real life men and women wind up donating the same amount to charities is unknown.

So men donate to show off and get a good mate while women donate because they're... good people. (yes I'm purposefully imposing moral judgments on these poor subjects, but it's certainly more entertaining to read the data my way than some lame "we're all equal" sort of way!)

Science I can get behind!


Article citation:
Iredale, W., Van Vugt, M. & Dunbar, R., 2008. Showing Off in Humans: Male Generosity as a Mating Signal. Evolutionary Psychology 6(3): 386-392.

How I know my fiance and I are going to make it: a vignette

Background: I like to joke that Andy's best friend Matt is his real soul mate. Something Andy doesn't particularly like me doing (in fact he hates it) but come on, they finish each other's sentences. Andy and I don't even do that! In any case, last night Andy was telling me about an episode of Star Trek he watched which was written by the same guy who was a writer on Battlestar. There were parallels between the way the two stories were written that Andy was really excited about which of course resulted in a brief conversation about said writer. Which is where we enter the scene.

Andy: "well anyway, I thought I'd just share my nerdy excitement with you"
Me: "have you told Matt yet?"
Andy: "no, not yet"
Me: "awww, you told me before you told Matt?!"
Andy: "yes, I like you better than Matt!"
Me: "ah, but do you love me more than Matt?"
Andy: (sigh) "yes, I love you more than I love Matt."
Me: (clapping hands like a 4 year old) "yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
Andy: "I hate you."

FIN.



Matt and Andy winning a trivia night. Ain't they sweet, folks?!

If I would've pursued writing...

I think I'd be Hemingway Jr. Style-wise, not alcoholic-such-and-such-wise... though I suppose the latter just goes along with being a writer? In any case, A Farewell to Arms officially turned me on to Hemingway. I think his stream of consciousness is more precise than Woolf's. I grant Woolf was trying to include those flashes of visions we get intermixed in our SOC, but still, Hemingway does it better. His streams of thought are my streams of thought (and probably yours too).

As this isn't a particularly thought out post, more like a ramble caused by a mingling of work and near-computer crash induced anxiety, I'll just say that if you are an aspiring writer, A Moveable Feast has moments of brilliant instruction on how to write. Also, it includes fun insights into the Modernist movement in Paris with appearances by Ezra Pound, Ford Maddox Ford, and Gertrude Stein. Of course you have to bear in mind A Moveable Feast was compiled posthumously, and chapters have been dropped in here and there. While Hemingway didn't compile or give the final edit, he did write all the words therein, and despite his being dead before its completion, it's still... well, awesome!



Whoa really large picture! Oh well, it works anyway!

Demystifying the Unknown: Loss of Innocence or Knowledge as Power?

I shall not apologize for my reprehensible neglect of this blog. I've got work to do, and I'm sure you didn't really mind the hiatus! However now that not only my nose but also my mouth are above the proverbial water, I'll take the time to explore an idea that occurred to me last night as I read about facial attractiveness.

I'm researching a paper on the methodology used in studies investigating what makes a face attractive. To do said research, I'm reading a bunch of studies to critique their methodology. One article described the Multiple Fitness Model whereby female facial attractiveness is based on a combination of three types of features:
-neonate: large wide-set eyes, small nose, small chin
-mature: prominent cheekbones and narrow cheeks
-expressive: high eyebrows, large pupils, large smile



Being the girl that I am, I couldn't help but see if I had a facial feature from each category. Well, nothing out of neonate... or mature... possibly a large smile? Of course I haven't run the quantifying program on my face that the researchers use, but let's be real, you can make an ad-hoc judgment on each of those criteria.

My point (and no, it's not to wallow in self-pity!) is that it made me wonder if we need to know everything we now know. Did I need to know exactly why I'm not model-quality pretty? I could have gone on happily thinking that while not the ideal, I had aspects of beauty, before the Multiple Fitness Model quite thoroughly proved otherwise. (I'm operating under the assumption the MFM is correct in all its assumptions and effects, which of course it isn't, but go with me on this.)

Before humans had all the scientific knowledge they have, creation myths and just-so stories took their place in the realm of explanations. Why do elephants have trunks? Well one day a hippo sat on an elephant's nose and as he struggled to free himself, the elephant stretched out his trunk until it is the length we see it today. Why do women have pain during childbirth? Eve gave Adam the apple. Those events that cannot be explained are either given creative origins, or are simply wondered at. As each mystifying element of our environment is explained scientifically, we lose a bit of the magic of the universe. The awe and wonder of not knowing is replaced by the empirical knowledge that elephants evolved a long trunk to use as a sort of hand and to reach leaves and other foodstuffs; that women experience pain giving childbirth well, because they're forcing a rather large object through a rather small opening.

Of course, being a (light) scientist, I can't go too far down this train of thought before rejecting all the romance of naivete for its reality: knowledge and learning are the basis for human development. We couldn't have progressed to the point we have without being able to create scientific knowledge and learn. More importantly (and more applicable to today's society) knowledge is the only defense we have against prejudice via ignorance. I'm specifically thinking about how science is working towards nullifying the ill-informed ideas regarding peoples of different races and sexual orientations. Systematically, science is showing that there is no significant biological difference between races (more variation within a group than between groups) and is exploring the biological basis for homosexuality and bisexuality (rather than letting people continue to think it's a choice).

As long as people remain ignorant, they create stories to explain observed phenomenon: That man is less intelligent because he's black, Homosexuals choose to be gay to be different and get attention. And those stories are not romantic and entertaining. They're damaging to humanity. So, Go, Science, Go! and let us all be sure to disseminate true knowledge. That's the only way we can combat myths.

Oh, and is the knowledge of how things actually work any less mystifying? Consider the human body. We've got a pretty good grasp on how it works. Does that mean it's any less amazing that mitochondria help create energy? Why do they do that?! Those little things in my tiny cells power my body?! Surely the intricacies of the universe are still wonderful even as we understand them better and better. So while we may no longer be innocents, we can still find awe in everything around us.

Engagement Photo!

well, as much of an engagement photo as you can have when it requires one of you to have an arm outstretched!

3:30 pm Photo

People with seasonal depression should NOT come to Durham in the winter!

Innately Innate Innateness

I have serious issues with the word "innate". Humans bandy it about as the bright and shiny difference between ourselves and everything else on the planet. We're different because we have "innately human" abilities--things we're born with that we needn't learn to do and that we do better than anything else that ever lived. Chimpanzees? Well they don't have any innate abilities except perhaps for poo slinging. It seems to be that this innate humanity is directly linked to our possession of a soul, language, and morality, qualities not existing in other animals. You know we're animals, right? I hope you do, reader, however I can't help but think proponents of this innately human thing would probably prefer to forget that link... we're human, bygad! not wild creatures! (oh and I also think it's ridiculous we think we're the only ones with souls/language... but another time)

In any case. Nothing is innate. You are not born knowing how to do things. And no, innate abilities are not propensities you are born with that you later develop, it is knowing how to do things out of the womb. I'll be lame and quote Merriam and Webster: "originating in or arising from the intellect or the constitution of the mind, rather than learned through experience". So unless we're talking about breathing or blinking, you're not born knowing how to do much.

Everything else is learned. Abilities like playing an instrument or sport, arguing theory, administering and interpreting research, judging morality and acting on those judgments are all learned! If you take away all of our fancy environment we've created for ourselves, if you strip us down to the bare essentials, we're not going to be highly moral creatures debating the meaning of life with an advanced language.

If you look at primates, they have hierarchies and behavior that appears to be moral (not going to use that word altruistic to describe it), but what it comes down to is trying to live in harmony in a social structure. Living in groups is beneficial to most primates' fitness, especially the higher order ones with large brains, like us. So we can look to their example to see what we'd be like without our technology, language, and culture. We'd form hierarchical societies where certain things were ok to do and others weren't, but those rights and wrongs would be dictated by the action's effect on the group's (and your own) fitness, not whether or not it adhered to the very cerebral concept of morality. If you steal a higher-up's food, he'll punish you. Not because it's immoral to steal, but because it's his food, he's bigger and stronger, and you taking his food harms his fitness, so back off!

Of course it's very hard to prove any of this. You can't steal a child away from its parents and raise it in a silent environment to see if it develops its own language or if it is mute (though you'd think deaf people who aren't taught to speak would be proof...), you can't maroon a bunch of infants on an island and see what kind of society would result, but you can think rationally about what would likely happen. Take away all of your personal bias for your own species and really think about what we'd be like if we didn't have all our little tricks. We'd be just another higher order primate. Give our current primates enough time, and a complete lack of human contact, and I wouldn't doubt that they'd eventually develop into some sort of species analogous to our own: with complicated language, elevated thought, and culture.

Humans. Really the world'd be much better off without us and our immeasurable self-conceit.

A Horse of a Different Colour

Chit-chatting. A fairly universal human activity. "How was your day" "Who d'ya think'll win the next match" "Do you consider the fact that many urban poor people are a minority to be evidence of continual racism" You know, the usual.

Yes, apparently the normal give-and-take of friends around coffee has extreme variants. When the other American girl and I get together for breakfast, we go an hour easy chatting about trashy reality tv, who we think should win Top Chef, and whether Eric or Bill is the dreamier vampire. When you throw a Brit into the mix, conversational topics are slightly elevated. And by slightly I mean they're so far above what I'm used to I've had to silently swig my way through philosophical banter before escaping to a discussion about Coors Light.

But those of course are the two extremes. Fortunately I've hit upon a few tactics to help me gain some intellectual ground (or at least appear as though I've done so).

1) Do not, under any circumstances, try to keep pace with your English conversational partners when it comes to beer/wine/liquor. They'll drink you under the proverbial (or literal) table while gently reminding you that the empirical data concerning individual or national emancipation shows... (that's when I shifted over to another group who were talking about Coors Light) You've no chance of making a valid reply much less understanding what they're saying or, indeed, keeping them completely in focus.
2) Ask questions. Generally, a group of post-grad intellectuals will all be very well versed in their own area, especially if you're fortunate enough to end up around a bunch of PhD students. And that's not your area, so obviously you should be completely ignorant! This way, you seem (and probably will become) interested, and (more importantly) aren't required to voice any opinion or learned reasoning. Oh, well, but you always have to be careful not to ask a stupid question. In fact, to avoid that, just go ahead and observe rule
3) Just don't talk. Smile, nod, frown, shake head, do what you have to do to look like you're following the flow of conversation all the while thinking to yourself, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, there they are all standing in a row, I really did like the Lion King. Really Disney is quite brilliant. I should see if I can find that on YouTube when I get back... or maybe I'll watch that video of the baby laughing at weird noises. That's cute. I don't want a baby though. I still can't believe Harper cried for an hour because she wanted a cookie."

Honestly, though, I can keep pace with almost everything people chat about here. It's only when people delve off into their particular fields where I pretty well lose grasp of my own sanity. But it's what post-grad work is for. Exposing yourself to new ideas that will hopefully inform and aid the studying of your own field. Maybe by the end of the year I'll not only be able to tell the difference between different English accents (right now everyone either sounds like Hugh Grant, Eddie Izzard, or Keira Knightley), but I'll also be able to chit-chat with everyone I know knowledgeably... or at least without looking like a fool.

At least that's my dream.

Durham oh Durham oh Durham

Durham has it all.

Yesterday we (my parents and myself) arrived in Durham. It's a beautiful little city--cobblestone streets, little shops, a Cathedral, a castle, a river on each side, and lots and lots of trees! (go to www.flickr.com/photos/bobokickinashead for pics)

It's intimidating. I've done this whole school thing before, which I think makes it harder when you have to start at the bottom again. I'm not sure of the layout of the land, how the buses work, or where to go when I need something from the University. Come to that, I have no idea where anything is on campus!

The past two days we've tried to set up my bank account, get a phone, and get a student ID card. None of which has actually been accomplished. It's a lot of doing and not a lot of getting done. Frustrating, really. But, I am here well before orientation commences. The first session is a college tour and dinner at a local pub, tomorrow night.

I'm looking forward to classes merely because I know how that all works! You do your reading, you discuss it, you give a presentation, and then you write a paper! Done and done! This whole living at college thing, well that's a different matter. Must get used to a whole new system of living, communicating, and commuting.

It'll be a transition, but obviously a manageable one. One that is easier with each new postgrad I meet. We seem to all have the same thought process: don't fail out, don't fail out, don't fail out! As Katie would say, think positively! So: I'll get all A's, I'll get all A's, I'll get all A's! Here's hoping!

Contrary Conversations

As my departure date approaches, I find myself having more and more conversations about why I'm leaving. Which, invariably, include divulging the information that I'm going to grad school, that I'm going to grad school for Evolutionary Anthropology (maybe the most syllabic major ever), and that I'm going to grad school in England.

How, when you're talking to coworkers at a local restaurant chain who are lifetime servers, do you not sound like a pompous such and such? It's a tad stressful.

I don't know if I managed to retain everyone's liking of me, but I think I pulled it off. Last night was my last night, which everyone found out about halfway through the shift. Then came the questions. My tactic is to downplay the event in general, which works well for grad school and my major: "Oh, you know I'm not even going to try to get a job in my field right now, so I'll just go to school." "Oh, it's not that big a deal, it's just the study of the development of all things human.", "Hahaha, yeah, it sounds good, but who knows if I'll find a job!" and other variants on that theme. England, though, that's tough to downplay. Mostly I try to be quiet about it, say that I'm excited and nervous, but that I'm looking forward to it.

Alternately, I find when someone challenges my decision to go to grad school in another country in a "weird" major, I snap back pretty quickly. One man flat out laughed when I told him my major and skeptically asked what I thought I'd be able to do with it. At which point I popped into a more authoritative stance, tone of voice, and level of eye contact, listing the various jobs I was hoping to procure after I graduate. Then, I'm not afraid to sound pompous at all.

I've decided that I just have to own my plans. They're what I want to do, and that's that. Playing games to explain what I've decided to do isn't fair to me or the people I'm talking to.

In any case, this whole post is a little ridiculous. Complaining about having conversations about this wonderful opportunity I have? Man, I can't imagine being other 2009 graduates who are fighting to get a job, whose "future plans" conversations are akin to singletons being asked if they've a man yet. So huzzah for future plans, and all you skeptics can suck it!

Creepy, Crawly

Everyone who knows me has had to deal with my quasi-extreme hypochondria. I'm like the medical student who diagnoses himself with every disease he learns about, only I do it perpetually. In any case, either because my hypochondria causes a good amount of paranoia, or maybe I also am paranoid (I'd rather not have two neuroses, so I like to think my hypochondria kind of bleeds to affect other perceptions...), I have a tendency to come up with bizaare scenarios in my mind.

For example, my new paranoia is that my bungalow room (not necessarily the whole bungalow) in England will be haunted. My ghost encounter aside, I've always been terrified of the supernatural. My best friend growing up had parents who either loved ghosts, or loved to terrify me, because it seemed as though every time I went over they would be watching Poltergeist. Murderers, rapists, tax evaders--fine. Ghosts? I'm over the moon terrified.

And England, as Eddie Izzard so aptly put, is where the history comes from. Therefore, everything there is old. Including dorm buildings? They must be. Although that brings up another question, why do we assume that all ghosts are from the 1700/1800s? Can't there be new ghouls?

Either way, as long as I don't know for sure that the rooms are supposed to be haunted, I should be fine. My imagination will run wild, yes, but as long as my fear isn't confirmed, I should be able to sleep through the night in my room.

Alternately, it looks like they have some pretty comfortable couches in the library.

A Mission Statement... sort of.

I was lamenting to my mother the other day about my probable future as an academic. I think most people view academics as teachers who are pretty ineffectual in their field of study. And even if they do contribute to their field, what of it? Who reads their articles? Cynical and insulting? Yeah, it is. So lately I've been thinking about my career goals. And then I remembered that awhile back I actually wrote down my career goals.

Yes, that Personal Statement actually turned out to be more than just a complete pain in the patootie. And so here it is, not only so you know what I hope to do, but also to remind myself of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Or will be doing... in a month(ish)! aaaaaaaah!

I am applying to the Masters of Science in Evolutionary Anthropology program because I have always been fascinated with the theory of evolution. I have written research papers on animal cognition, animal self-awareness, animal altruism, and took a class titled Darwinism and Its Critics. In the class we discussed the development of Darwin’s theory, counter-theories and discoveries which substantiated evolution. In my Introduction to Physical Anthropology course we discussed adaptations to different environmental pressures which I was able to observe in India. My father is a professor of behavioral neuroscience, and we often discuss human behavior in relation to evolutionary pressures. In all of these ways, I have fostered an interest in the human body’s evolution, social and behavioral evolution, as well as the cultural, physical, and environmental pressures that caused it to evolve.

I want to pursue my Masters of Science at Durham University because it is one of the few universities I have found with a specific Evolutionary Anthropology degree and also the subdisciplines in the Evolutionary Anthropology program really appeal to me. Human behavior and evolutionary psychology as well as cultural evolution are the two subareas I am drawn to. Understanding how and why humans think and live the way they do is as crucial as understanding the lifestyle itself. I am very interested in the evolution of culture. It is easy to see how cultures are different, but much more interesting to discover why they have developed in that way. I think this understanding of “how” leads to better understanding of the culture. I like the program’s pairing of theoretical classes as well as classes that develop research skills. I want to continue to shore up my foundation in Anthropology as well as learn how to do productive research, so this pairing is ideal. Because of my various research papers, the option of taking courses in Primate and Human Behavior is very appealing, especially as it concerns the evolution of social behavior. In looking over the list of research projects currently active at the University, I see many that I am interested in aiding. I am excited to see the large number of projects which focus on social evolution. I would love to study the development of traditions and how they permeate society.

Well let's try to keep this in mind for the next year or so, shall we?

Science and Sprituality

I've been thinking about the relationship between science and religion since high school. It's one of those things I've had to contemplate considering my Anthropology background as well as my very Christian upbringing. I didn't come to a completely satisfying reconciliation of the two until this summer. This summer, I went to Creation Fest (basically Woodstock for Christians) back in June. While there I was talking to my sister-in-law about my future plans, namely getting my Masters of Science in Evolutionary Anthropology. She said "Whoa, be careful of who you tell that to around here, there are definitely a lot of Creationists". To which I replied "Ok, that's fine, but I'm not going to be afraid to talk about my own beliefs." It's not that I don't believe in Creationism, I do. I do not think the two are mutually exclusive.

The Bible was written for a very specific group of people. It's full of bizarre laws and coded stories-- laws that helped them be sanitary when sanitation was not yet conceived of, laws that set them apart from other peoples so that they were able to create their own, specific culture. Laws that we no longer need. But those laws and stories were completely relevant for the people it was written for. Relevancy is my main point for why there is no mention of evolution in Genesis, at least not overtly. The Creation story is a Creation story, one in a long line of Creation stories that can be found in any culture. I do think it is true, but not literally. Why did God create the world in 7 days? Why not in just one? Why, since He's God, and we all know that his time is not constrained by ours, did He operate within the very human time of hours and days? He probably didn't. But how can someone who can't even comprehend running water and soap understand that God created the world over tens of thousands of years? Like you would to a child, God simplified things. If a person's basic understand of science is severely lacking, you simplify things. And anyway, it's not relevant. Why complicate things with an elaborate story of development and evolution when you can simplify it by saying "I created everything in this order". And yes, God did create everything in that order, but not that simply. Why must God fit into a cookie-cutter bedtime story instead of a much more elaborate and complex system that God set in motion?

Let me ask you: are you the same Christian today that you were when you were confirmed (substitute in any other sort of promise to God you made, or to your specific Diety)? I know I'm not. As a Christian, I've grown and developed. I've done Bible study, messed up, and been challenged throughout my life. I'd wager that most people change in different ways to deepen their faith throughout their life. Is God absent from this development? Or is He there to help you along the way and challenge you to cause you to grow? I think we all agree He does these things. Why is it so hard to believe that just as He helps us develop as Christians, He also directed our development as a species? I have no problem imagining a God who snapped His fingers, initiating the Big Bang, and then watched over the Earth, tweaking it here and there, helping it along the way, until we arrived on the planet. He still created everything, but in a much more complex way, beyond our complete comprehension, as it is with most of what God does. It's a little arrogant, I think, to think that you completely understand the creation of the Earth because God dumbed it down into just a simple story.

In the Dalai Lama's book The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality (from where I got my title), he says, "Given that my own intellectual training is in Buddhist thought, naturally I have often wondered about the interface of key Buddhist concepts and major scientific ideas...Having heard of my interest in science and my active engagement in dialogue with scientists, she warned me of the danger science poses to the survival of Buddhism. She told me that history attest to the face that science is the 'killer' of religion...By taking this personal journey into science, I suppose I have stuck my neck out. My confidence in veturing into science lies in my basic belief that as in science so in Buddhism, understanding the nature of reality is pursued by means of critical investigation: if scientific analysis were conclusively to demonstrate certain claims in Buddhism to be false, then we must accept the findings of science and abandon those claims" (my emphasis). Science helps us to better understand the complexities of the Bible and read between the lines, not refute everything or even anything it contains.

God understands all, He can comprehend the infinite. We, however, cannot. I think we are slowly learning more about God by learning more about our universe through Science. God is not confined by the literal meaning of the stories in the Bible. And I guess that's the point.

Summer Idleness

I should be busy, but I have this incredible ability to do absolutely nothing for days! I should be collecting things, getting ready for Creation Fest in late June. I should be compiling things that I need for England (like a visa). I should be picking up more shifts at Red Robin (though they schedule me nearly every day, so the thought of working more is pretty disgusting). Well, today's my day! Visa application completed! Final college transcripts sent! Tent and tent paraphernalia found! aaaaaaaand... well, I was scheduled to work today anyway, so that kind of counts!

Andy heard back from his recruiter. He'll be heading off to boot camp August 4th. It's great to finally have a date, but it's really late in the summer. So that means I'll get to see him off for boot camp, but I won't get to see him graduate, and he won't be able to see me off to England. Neither of us is sure what our schedules will be like starting in August, so there's a possibility that we won't see each other for 13 months. More than likely we'll get to see each other at least twice over the next year.... but who knows. I've been trying to come up with ideas on how to stay connected while we're apart. Since talking on the phone will be hard with our different schedules (not to mention time zones!), I thought it'd be nice to keep a journal for each other. Basically a compilation of letters, but in journal form. This way, not necessarily every night, but at least once a week, we take a concerted amount of time to spend thinking and talking to the other person. And then, of course, at the end of the year, we have this massive journal to give to the other person. Any other suggestions?

Yesterday I got a letter from Florida Atlantic University. They accepted me into their Anthropology department and wanted to give me a free ride and $4,000/year plus 9 credits to TA for an Intro to Anthropology course. I read the letter and immediately went, "FRICK!". Obviously I'm still really looking forward to going to Durham, and it's a better fit in terms of curriculum and focus, but I would've loved to TA, not to mention get a scholarship to help pay for grad school! Who knows, though, had I gotten both acceptances at the same time, I probably (most definitely) would've chosen Durham.

So the rest of my summer contains Creation Fest in late June, my cousin's wedding in mid-July, packing Andy off to boot in early August, vacationing in Maine in mid-August, and then off to England in September. Ooo! And I'm getting my hair cut in early September. I know it doesn't sound as exciting as everything else, but I really really hate my current haircut and I'm so totally pumped to do something new... something along the lines of:






but on a not-so-skinny brunette, erhm, currently redhead, obviously.

In the very very very beginning...

Last week I was accepted into Durham University's Masters of Science program in Evolutionary Anthropology. I'm absolutely thrilled at the prospect of studying abroad again. I get to spend an entire year (Oct-Sept) in England, studying evolutionary anthropology as it applies to social interactions and behavior. Sounds pretty perfect, huh? I found (or rather my father found!) the program that beautifully united my interests in evolution as well as culture/s. and even better, I was accepted into that program!

Andy, my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has decided to enlist in the Coast Guard. After three years of researching options, getting together information, losing over 80 pounds, and two unsuccessful applications to Officer Candidate School, he's committed so much to being a part of the Coast Guard, that the next step is to enlist. From that position, he is more likely to be accepted to Officer Candidate School; and even if he never attends OCS, he will still be a part of a wonderful organization that will give him a copious amount of life skills, abilities, pride and future opportunities. I'm so proud of everything he's accomplished to pursue his goal, and I'm even prouder that he has not given up despite some set backs and hard news.

It's a wonderful, wildly new, chapter that I'll be starting this fall. It's going to be hard to be away from friends and family while undertaking a rigorous academic schedule. It will be very hard to find a new routine to communicate with Andy and keep our relationship strong despite being so far away from each other. Although I'll be in beautiful Durham, so I suppose some of the pain will be eased! And at the end of one year, I will have a degree and a ridiculous number of memories, I'm sure.

So the point of this blog is to keep all of you up to date while I prepare to leave for Durham, am in Durham studying, traveling, and learning. It'll be a crazy great experience! and since we all know how much I abhor the telephone, what better way to report back to you than via blog?! Everything's open here to everyone, so feel free to leave comments/advice/haikus!



Durham's skyline, dominated by Durham Cathedral


The Shield of St. Aidan's College, the specific college at Durham University I will be attending